A guide for the Maid of Honor, Best Man, Parents, and those who love the newlyweds!

If you or a loved one has a wedding coming up, you’re likely thinking of the speech or speeches that need to be written.

It is common to be nervous and have no idea where to begin. You know you want the perfect balance of funny and heartfelt, and you DEFINITELY don’t want to bore everyone.

Here is a quick guide on how to write the PERFECT speech, whether you’re the Maid of Honor, Best Man, Parent of the Bride or Groom, or just someone who cares a lot about the couple getting married:

When writing your speech, it is vital to remember why you are doing so. What is the point?

The goal is to provide good tidings, good health, and to show your appreciation to the celebrant or celebration. The concept of granting well wishes or appreciate at weddings is rooted in Western culture, but is also displayed throughout history in multiple forms in cultures around the world [1] [2].

In its simplest form, the concept is the same: to unify the group with wishes of good health and a call to action [3]. For example “Congratulations Matt and Jessica, May your love grow stronger and deeper every day” or “To Nick and Natalie, may you never forget that the family that supports you and the love that surrounds you”

Remember the whole reason you are doing this when drafting your speech so you don’t get lost in the details.

Now…

how to format your speech:

Start with congratulating the bride and groom!
Mention how happy you are for them and how much it means to have witnessed their big day. This is a momentous moment after all!
Introduce yourself and how you are connected to the couple.
Don’t leave everyone hanging on “Who’s this guy?”. If you’re giving a toast, you must be pretty special to the bride and groom!
“My name is Joe, and I am Matt’s proud older brother”
“I am Jen, and I am proud to be one of Emily’s closest friends”
Choose a statement or theme.
Engage your audience, and keep them engaged by keeping on track throughout the speech.
Think about your favorite quality of the bride/groom, or couple as a whole
This could be how they are selfless, always thoughtful of those around them, patient, or confident.
Include maybe 1 or 2 anecdotes that showcases that positive quality about them.
Whatever it is, think of how this quality makes them a good person to you, and now a good spouse.
How the couple compliment each other.
Remember to keep it about the COUPLE, not just the one you are closest to. Keep it on theme.
Raise your glass for a toast!

Wrap it up with a final point and a toast to their future together.

Basic no nos:

With the above template, there are a few things to keep in mind as you are formulating the perfect speech.

DO NOT SAY ANYTHING MEAN

I once witnessed a best man say “Man, I forgot my speech, but I had so much s*** to say about [the groom]”. The intention was to be funny, but everyone was awkwardly looking around at each other. It is SO important to remember:

This is a wedding, not a roast.

This is not an opportunity to make fun of your friends in front of all the people they love. Also, speaking of the obvious…

WHAT HAPPENS AT THE BACHELOR/BACHELORETTE, STAYS THERE.

and

DO NOT TALK ABOUT PREVIOUS GIRLFRIENDS/BOYFRIENDS.

Even, “Wow, [Groom] is SO much better than [Ex].” While this may seem a compliment, no one wants to think about their exes on their wedding day!

avoid saying:

“For those who do not know me…”

Ugh! Please don’t. It’s over done and everyone in the room is cringing.

“You’re more than a friend, you’re my sister”

While this may be true (metaphorically or otherwise), it’s not unique.

You’re cleverer than this!

Repeat: room is cringing.

“But then came along Jessica, and now Matt has been snapped into shape!”

Don’t talk about how they were a terrible, misguided, or even half-of-a person before their new spouse came into the picture. Remember you cared about them before they met their new spouse and I’m sure you can find just one good quality they’ve always had. Even if this is a joke, it’s in poor taste.

More Hot TIps to nail the speech:

Make it quick

Start by writing everything down that comes to mind, then trimming down the fat. Brain dump and eventually you will find the treasure piece.

The perfect speech is 3 minutes long - long enough to show you care, but not too long you have people start thinking about what’s next..

Don’t overdo it

Keep everyone engaged and involved by slowing yourself down if you’re a fast talker or a rambler (like me). You don’t want to be forced to shove 10 minutes of content into 3 minutes and people can’t keep up.

This also goes for alcohol and food beforehand. Don’t overdo it!

Rehearse regularly

Rehearse multiple times so you aren’t reliant on your written paper. Shake out the awkward “uhh”s and “umm"s. When you have to sneak a peak at your notes on wedding day, chances are people won’t notice if you have most of it memorized.

Which brings us to the next points…

Rehearse in front of people

Include a rehearsal in front of someone you trust to give honest feedback. Not only does this help warm you up to giving the speech in front of people, it also gives a first impression of the speech for anything that needs to be tweaked.

Anything that doesn’t make sense or any off-color jokes can be flagged at this time as well.

Write down your notes

Don’t rely on your phone. Write down the main points on a smaller piece of paper that you can see, but doesn’t look like a big prop in your hand.

Be yourself

I know this seems obvious, but forcing tears or laughter is so obvious in speeches and gives the opposite effect.

Do not put on a show. The couple chose you to be a part of the day for you! Coming across as authentic yields much more positive results than forced ones.

Overall, you’ve got this! Even if you aren’t someone who is a champ at public speaking, as long as you properly prepare and are your authentic self, your words will be cherished.

Do you have any other tips on how to write the best wedding speech? Share them in the comment section below!!

Cheers!

Sources:

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toast_(honor)

[2] https://www.toastmasters.org/magazine/articles/the-history-of-toasting

[3] https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/advice/often-manly-history-toasting-bring-back/

“Toasts” by Paul Dickson https://www.pauldicksonbooks.com/toasts_25939.htm

https://www.brides.com/story/tips-for-writing-a-next-level-wedding-toast